I Almost Choked

My wife and I went out for a nice dinner this evening. Well, actually, the service sucked, the waitress forgot we existed, and after 38 weeks of pregnancy, my wife started contractions. There were, however, a few nice benefits that came with tonight's suppertime extravaganza - the 42-inch flat panel plasma HDTV positioned just behind my wife's head on the other side of the booth.

Since Bridget wasn't very talkative - just a few "this hurts" and "when is this thing going to come out"'s - I happened to notice that SportsCenter was on in HD behind her. I methodically passed "uh-huh"'s, "yes honey"'s, and "I'm sorry, Sweetie"'s to my wife as she conversed, praying that she would not call me on the fact that my eyes were cast somewhere just to the northeast of her head. It worked well for a time.

Just as the appetizer came and we began to enjoy our savory, yet cold, potato skins, I saw the highlights from the New York vs. Detroit matchup. "Holy [Moly] 8 to Nuthin'?" I said out loud, nearly choking on my grease and cheese covered spud, "the Yankees really DO suck!"

My wife then realized I had not been paying attention to her for most of the 50 minutes we had been waiting for our meals and stated firmly, "you see why I don't want you to buy a new television, you'll NEVER pay attention to me." I followed it up with a "did you say something" comment to make her laugh. It didn't work.

We may not have had good service, my wife may never want to visit The Charcoal Grill again, but I'll always have Mike Maroth's one-hitter against the Yanks... and cholesterol laden arteries.