A SOX FAN SUFFERS THROUGH GAME TWO
By Steve Marsi
7:51 - I enjoy a late dinner with the Lovely Liz (referred to as "LL" from this point forward). A devoted fan, she relays the news that Curt Schilling may be shut down for the remainder of the playoffs due to the torn sheath around his ankle tendons. The imagery of tendons grinding against bone, and the impact of these particular ones on Boston's championship aspirations, cause us to utter a
collective "ouch."
8:15 - Joe Buck, the FOX play-by-play announcer, declares that the Yankee Stadium crowd will be "really excited" for Game 2. Not as excited as the man
standing immediately to his left, Tim McCarver.
8:24 - Jon Lieber sets the Red Sox down in order in the first inning. My predictions of a fast Boston start are put on hold, at least for now.
8:28 - While keeping one eye on the game, LL begins reading the news online. She informs me that Britney Spears will take fiancé Kevin Federline's last name
once the two are married. What a tramp.
8:30 - Amid the expected chants inquiring about the identity of his daddy, Pedro Martinez begins the bottom of the first by walking Derek Jeter and grazing Alex Rodriguez's hand with a slider.
8:32 - Jeter scores the first run of the game on a single by Gary Sheffield. After an unnecessary slide to the plate, Jeter hops up and pumps his fist in decidedly metrosexual fashion.
8:35 - LL informs me that a third Paris Hilton video is now circulating. What a tramp.
8:44 - Pedro escapes the first inning by striking out Hideki Matsui and Bernie Williams, then inducing a groundout from Jorge Posada. He looked good doing it.
Hopefully this will turn into one of those nights when his early nightmares quickly give way to mastery.
8:49 - Lieber, wearing #22, takes the mound to begin the second frame. Apparently it didn‚t take the Yankees long to give Roger Clemens‚ number away. The Red Sox get their first baserunner as David Ortiz walks, but the next three hitters go in order. I am just waiting for Buck to inform me that Lieber has a
no-hitter going.
9:05 - Martinez labors through the bottom half of the second. He surrenders a walk and a hit while running his pitch count to 46 (21 balls), but strikes out
Rodriguez to end the inning and keep the score 1-0. Whew.
9:09 - As if on cue, Buck announces that Lieber has not allowed a hit yet.
9:09 - Orlando Cabrera singles to left on the next pitch. Unfortunately, that‚s all Boston gets.
9:16 - Sheffield leads off for New York. Manny Ramirez nearly takes out Cabrera while chasing a pop-up in shallow left. O.C. manages to snare it in spite of the distraction, and Pedro gets Matsui and Williams to ground out for his first easy inning of work tonight.
9:24 - Ortiz comes to the plate with his .533 (!) postseason average. Surely he will either walk, or tie the contest with a titanic blast, I say. He pops out. Kevin Millar follows with a beautiful check-swing bunt right back to the pitcher.
9:27 - Finally, the first advertisement of the night for the upcoming FOX medical drama "House" appears. Each year during the baseball playoffs, the network
seizes the opportunity to hype a new show beyond belief, with no shortage of memorable, overdramatic punch lines in its trailers. The strategy worked well
for „24,‰ then failed with „Skin.‰ Who knows which category "House" will fall into. One thing‚s for sure, though - disease is not an illness, but a crime
waiting to be solved!
9:34 - Yankee fans continue to ask Pedro about his father‚s identity. Martinez issues another leadoff walk, then sets his adversaries down handily. After
four innings it‚s still 1-0, New York.
9:37 - I flip over to the presidential debate. While John Kerry talks about healthcare, George W. Bush smiles and blinks rapidly. Either the President is trying to send a message someone via morse code, or he is a cyborg. Not really sure which.
9:40 - McCarver says, for the third time tonight, that it‚s very rare to see a good starting pitcher work slowly. Never mind that Martinez and Lieber are dueling it out in a 1-0 game, or that postseason contests are notoriously slow. I need a drink.
9:42 - Viewers are treated to a nice interview with Lieber‚s dad, who traveled from Iowa to watch his son pitch. He‚s even wearing the Superman t-shirt that
has become his good luck charm. As the younger Lieber completes another perfect inning and heads toward the dugout, Fox pumps out „Kryptonite‰ by Three Doors Down. This does not quite measure up to Game One, in which a strange remake of Blue Oyster Cult‚s "Godzilla" was played during a Matsui highlight montage. Let me reiterate that. Not just Blue Oyster Cult, but a bizarre cover of that legendary ensemble. You have to hand it to the FOX staff for its ability to summon mainstream and obscure rock hits at the push
of a button.
9:44 - Jack Nicholson, a New Jersey native best known for his devout support of the Los Angeles Lakers (and his acting), is shown sporting a Yankees cap.
Evidently, Jack only cheers for franchises that have won several dozen championships. Must be nice!
9:48 - Rodriguez reaches on an infield single with one out. Sheffield fouls a ball off his leg and into fair territory, but Varitek - unaware that the ball hit Sheffield and the play is dead - picks it up and nearly decapitates Martinez in his attempt to gun down Rodriguez to second base. Pedro eventually strikes Sheff out with a nasty heater.
9:53 - Does A-Rod know exactly when a camera is on him at all times? Rather than looking intense, he appears like he is trying to look intense. I don‚t know.
Maybe the pressure is just getting to me. After a nine-pitch at bat and 35 close-ups of A-Rod‚s face, Matsui strikes out to end the inning.
9:56 - After concisely telling America that „Kerry‚s rhetoric does not reflect his record,‰ Bush cannot help himself from beaming. Pulling off an alliterative tongue-twister like that is no small feat.
9:59 - The rock gurus are at it again. What track are we subjected to while the cameras pan and show an assortment of pro-Yankees and anti-Sox signs held up
by fans in the crowd? "Signs" by Tesla. Somebody kill me now.
10:10 - Johnny Damon flies out to center after an epic 16-pitch battle with Lieber. What looked like a potential turning point died in Bernie Williams‚ glove. Mark Bellhorn whiffs (shockingly) and the Boston half of the sixth ends with no baserunners. Through the first six innings of Games One and Two combined, the Sox have mustered just one hit and one walk against New York‚s supposedly shaky starters.
10:17 - Pedro walks Jorge Posada and gives up a line-drive home run to John Olerud. Are you kidding me? Only the Yankees could pay $125 million for a
starting first baseman whose season has been crippled by parasites, then pick up a fossil like Olerud and watch him come up big in the postseason. Just like that, it‚s 3-0. At least the fans have opted for some variation, and are now chanting "Pe-dro!"
10:20 - A strange, androgynous human body diagram, sponsored by WebMD, appears on the screen with one leg highlighted. Beneath it says "Curt Schilling -
Dislocated Right Ankle Tendon." Thank you, WebMD, for this groundbreaking insight. I am told by LL that WebMD is actually a good website. For the first time, I rest my head in my hands.
10:22 - Sinking spirits and frustration with FOX leave me tempted to mute the television and listen to the game on Red Sox radio, an idea given to me by good
friend Chuck Bourne. I cannot get up do this, however, since LL is resting her feet on me.
10:30 - Ortiz singles with one out, but Millar grounds into a double play. Things are looking pretty grim. LL‚s brother sends an instant message from Connecticut. "They‚re not even trying," he says. Oye.
10:32 - At other parks, the seventh inning stretch is just that. At YankeeStadium, fans are subjected to an over-the-top rendition of God Bless America. Every
game. I budget 10 minutes for this nonsense and change the channel.
10:40 - What do you think Kerry and Bush, along with their families, say to one another when forced to shake hands and make small talk for the cameras after
the debates? The should make the players and their family members do this after the ALCS - it would surely be more entertaining than tonight‚s game.
10:45 - I decide to call up the Bourne and commiserate. He is making good on his threat to listen to the game on WEEI with the television on mute, and can‚t say enough good things about it. Bourne informs me that there is a second verse of the Foxwoods theme song when it plays on the radio. Those who have somehow missed this delightful ad campaign can consider themselves lucky. The abridged,televised Foxwoods ad alone could be used by the CIA in its terrorist interrogations - I can only imagine what a full second verse would induce. In spite of the fact that he has its audio off, Bourne goes on to rip FOX for its strange "newspaper headlines" from the previous inning, then rips the Sox for failing to get a hit off a pitcher who looks to have a trace of down
syndrome. I determine that it‚s time to go.
10:49 - Nixon leads off with a single, prompting Joe Torre to pull Lieber in favor of Tom Gordon. This guy looks like he should be in "X-Men" - his hat is so low
that it casts an intimidating shadow over his eyes. Maybe he‚s blind and pitches only by feel.
10:55 - Varitek mashes a double into the gap in right. Third base coach Dave Sveum mercifully holds Trot at third. Two men in scoring position and nobody out. Finally, we have something going. Perhaps more of last night‚s late-inning magic is in store.
10:58 - O.C. grounds out to short, scoring Nixon. Not the emphatic RBI we were hoping for, but we‚re on the board. It‚s now 3-1, bad guys.
11:01 - Mueller grounds out to second, Varitek advances to third. Mariano Rivera jogs in from the bullpen to raucous applause. For the first time, I imagine the scenario in which the boys return home to Fenway trailing 2-0 in the series. I don‚t consider the Sox out of it, by any means, but it‚s still disheartening.
11:02 - FOX promotes a new reality series, "My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss." My boss is neither fat nor obnxious. Worse - he‚s a Yankees fan.
11:04 - As much as I consider the new "diamond cam," which points up at the batter from somewhere near home plate, completely worthless, I must admit that it‚s pretty cool to watch Johnny Damon‚s bat shatter from that angle.
11:08 - Damon takes strike three. End of threat.
11:12 - I decide to call my former roommate and Yankee-loving friend who is attending the game, hoping he will provide me with some funny anecdotes from the dark side. As the phone rings, I wonder why exactly I am doing this. I don‚t want to hear what he has to say right now. He answers amid major crowd noise, and I promptly hang up. That‚ll show him! Sucker.
11:15 - Keith Foulke enters game and beans Miguel Cairo. Lofton walks, as does Jeter, and the bases are loaded. A-Rod steps to the plate. LL has seen enough
and calls it a night.
11:17 - Foulke falls behind in the count, 3-1, but retires the reigning A.L. MVP on a fly to right-center. Inning over. The Red Sox are on life support, but still breathing.
11:20 - It occurs to me that this is probably the most boring baseball game in recent memory. What a great night to keep a running diary.
11:25 - Top of the ninth. Bellhorn grounds out weakly to first. As much success as Boston enjoyed against Rivera in the regular season, you get the impression
that he is truly in his element come October. Scary.
11:28 - Manny launches a 2-2 pitch into the gap in left. The tying run comes to the plate, in the form of the Dominican Destroyer. One swing can still tie
this thing. Unfortunately, David can‚t pull off a miracle in any of his three swings - one foul ball, two whiffs. Two down.
11:30 - Unfazed by Millar‚s Amish-like appearance, Rivera climbs the ladder on him and records the game-ending strikeout. The Sox are officially in a
2-0 hole. Depression is setting in.
11:46 - An old friend from New York State calls. I do not answer. The ensuing voicemail entails him yelling "Who's your dad-dy" repeatedly, among other
obscenities. I make a mental note to pour sugar in his gas tank the next time I see him.
11:58 - Pedro offers the following wisdom at the postgame press conference: "Everybody is going to say, 'Pedro lost.' Pedro won, actually. I had an opportunity to show everybody that I believe in God. The chant about 'Who's your daddy?' - my biggest daddy is the one that brought me over from the mango trees to the biggest stage in the world."
Wow.
Time for bed.
