Selig Deals with the Devil, Gets Burned
By fuzzmartin
Baseball commissioner, Alan 'Bud' Selig, voided his contract with Satan this afternoon as he attempted to have a cancerous lesion removed from his forehead. Selig, 70, says the lesion was discovered during a rountine checkup last week. Alan's doctor noticed a birthmark resembling Jason Giambi on the commissioner's forehead and immediately requested that it be cut open for observation.
The surgery was reportedly successful as MLB issued a press release stating: "There is no evidence that the melanoma has extended beyond the skin."
This may be good news for Bud, however, lawyers for Satan are crying foul stating line 18, section 42 of Selig's deal with Mr. Beelzebub. In the document, signed in red ink by Bud on July 2, 1998, Bud forfeits his soul to Satan "in exchange for undetectable steriods, numerous broken batting records, and eradication of 'The Curse of the Bambino.'" "We have given Bud everything he has asked for, yet he won't fulfill his side of the deal," Satan's lawyer proclaimed! "It's not like we are asking for a salary cap!"
Satan also stated that it was he who delivered the names of BALCO affiliates to the press. "If Alan is going to break his end of the deal, then there was no reason for me not to go public," exclaimed the Angel of Death from his ranch home near Bermuda, "I'll see his ass in court!"
