"Jesus" goes to Hell

Another sign of the apocolypse: Jesus goes to Hell.

$52,000,000. That's enough to buy Johnny Damon's rookie card on ebay over one BILLION (billion with a B) times. That's enough to buy 400,000 Green Monster seats, first row, premium games. Or enough to buy one Johnny Damon.

So Johnny Demon (no typo, he is now a demon) is now going to play center for the people he helped to annhilate in 2004's ALCS. His entire career has been in the AL, a league in which all the teams share one common goal: beat the Yankees.

And now Damon is going to be throwing out runners from the Yankee Stadium outfield. Even though David Ortiz could score from second on a flyball to deep center with Damon's poor arm, he's considered a great upgrade on defense from Bernie Williams. In what? Age?

And a .300 hitter? In case Jeter, Matsui, A-Rod, and Sheffield in the .290's isn't enough, now they have to get someone who was loved by Red Sox fans. No, it would have been too easy for the Yankees to, God forbid, use Bubba Crosby as a (now here comes a word unknown to the Yankees' management) prospect.

Now this foreign word, prospect, is known to Red Sox management �and all the other 29 team's owners who aren't named George Steinbrenner. For example: Adam Stern is who the Red Sox seem to be turning to for their 2006 CF needs. And Trot Nixon, one of my personal favorite outfielders in all of baseball, came up from within the Red Sox organization and has stayed with the team. In today's baseball world, this is nearly a miracle. 12 years after being drafted, Trot remains the right fielder for Boston.

Everyone would have liked to have seen Damon stay, but Adam Stern deserves a chance. You never know, this skinny 5'11" OF could be the 2006 rookie of the year.

Who knows? Maybe there will be a Christmas miracle, and Damon will get an incurable STD from a hooker in New York. Let's have some wishful thinking, people, as it is the holidays (a religious word, for the 3 of you out there that care.)

Good Riddance

People are surprised and upset about Damon leaving; my question to them is why?

As early as last March, Damon was talking about leaving baseball to become a movie star. He had mastered the game and the written word; it was time to move on to the spoken word. Then came the rumors in June and July that Steinbrenner was eyeing the pretty center fielder and Damon reminded people that when he left KC, he said he'd never play for the Yankees and he meant it. When the Red Sox lost to the White Sox in game 4 of the ALCS, the photo on the front page of this web site was a long haired Damon morphing into a short-haired idiot in pinstripes.

So I ask again: why are you surprised?

Now let's look at the upset of the past few days, particularly this quote from the ProJo (Providence Journal for you folks outside of New England): "Clearly irritated by the Sox' failure to offer him the contract he felt he deserved, Damon late last night reached preliminary agreement with the Yankees on a four-year, $52-million contract that is contingent on his passing a physical."

The contract he felt he deserved?!

What human being DESERVES $52 million dollars for 4 years work? What greater good is he doing in this world that makes him deserve an annual raise of FOUR MILLION DOLLARS??? Is he fighting the world-wide AIDS crisis like other celebrities? Is he paying down the debt of third world countries so they are able to develop a stable economy that doesn't require child labor to manufacture the products he accepts millions of dollars to push on the public? Is he out there rebuilding New Orleans or working with groups like Habitat for Humanity to make sure there is quality, affordable housing for people who work two and three jobs to make ends meet and still don't have health insurance? Is he working on a cure for Alzheimer's or a way for seniors to be able to afford basic medications they need without driving over borders to Canada and Mexico?

I follow the Sox pretty closely and I can tell you that Jason Varitek and Doug Mirabelli were the first ones out there to find ways to raise real money for the Red Cross relief efforts after the hurricanes this year. I know that Tim Wakefield reaches out to kids in ways most of us could never imagine and the way Ortiz reaches out to the Latin community in Boston - particular kids in Lowell and other communities outside of Boston are amazing. Schilling is always one to put his money, name and talents where his mouth is both publicly and privately.

Name one charity associate with Johnny Damon. Go on, I'll wait. You couldn't think of one, could you?

You know what Johnny, do those things and I might think you "deserve" that kind of annual salary before endorsements and other private enterprises.

Instead, Mr. Damon married a woman that comes across like a dumb blonde. She proudly boasts of making six and seven figures flipping a single property in real estate and he writes the check. She giggles as she tells reporters he wants to "knock me up." She defends his honor claiming the first wife drove him to cheat with other woman - but the current wife didn't sleep with him until after the marriage was over. (Sorry honey, I'd rather buy inflated real estate from you than buy that story.) What a great role model for you daughter. Exactly the type of woman you want her to be: a giggling, simpering fool with nothing but a big chest and blonde hair. Nice.

Johnny Damon plays baseball and he's pretty good at it. That alone does not make you deserving of a $12 million dollar a year salary. Perhaps he needs to add a third story to his walk-in closet or another fossil fuel wasting luxury vehicle that has as much use as his pathetic acting career. (Hey Johnny, it doesn't take a lot of talent to have Drew Barrymore use you as a shield, eat a steak or drink a latte on camera.)

Any fan believing this was the Yankees calling the Sox bluff needs to wake up and smell the coffee. The truth is Damon has wanted to play for the Yankees since his days in KC. His agent lobbied a semi-interested Steinbrenner hard, including preparing a line up that shows how Damon could put them back in World Series contention. (After six years and a stint in the basement last year, Steinbrenner wants the damn trophy back.)

Damon may feel he deserves that money, me, I think he needs to remember the story of Samson who, after Deliliah cut his hair, lost his strength. Hell, I'd give an OK rocker by the name of Bono my money before I'd give it to you at this point. At least he understands how to balance his blessings and good fortune with those on the other end of the scale. (When was the last time you saw someone lobby to put Damon's name on the list of Nobel Peace Prize nominees?)

Good luck to you and the Yankees, we don't need another idiot in Boston. I don't agree with some of the post-season moves the management has made, but this is one I can fully get behind and give you a good push. As they say: don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you.

Damon to Yankees

BREAKING NEWS

The Boston Globe's Gordon Edes is reporting that centerfielder Johnny Damon has agreed to 4 year deal with the New York Yankees. The estimated contract is about $52 million.

"New York came after me aggressively and that's what sealed the deal... I'm headed to New York... I'm very excited... It's with mixed emotions... Time for me to look forward." -- 12.20.05, Johnny Damon on CBS4 Boston

MVC?

From Gold Glove Shortstop to MVP Third Baseman to Bernie Williams' potential successor � Why we all hate Alex Rodriguez - Part 1

Don't mess with Texas, unless, of course, your name is George Steinbrenner. Back when he was turning double plays with the Mariners and Rangers, no one really had a problem with A-Rod, and, if anything, actually liked him. But then Red Sox management sought to bring him to hit bombs over the Green Monster against the Yankees and the other teams that would face the Red Sox at Fenway. However, upon hearing this, Steinbrenner couldn't let this happen (no, instead the Sox went out and got Mark Bellhorn, and we all saw what he did to the Yankees in the '04 ALCS games 4-7). Just imagine the conversation between Soriano and Torre:

"Alfonso, you know we've always liked you, and always thought of you to be a valuable asset to this orginization, but they say if you love something, set it free. What I'm trying to say is, um, we've traded you to the Rangers for A-Rod. There, does that make sense?"

A-Rod quickly left Texas (the team he supposedly loved) and came to the Yankees just to try to get to � and win �a World Series. (Neither the Rangers nor Mariners have even been to the World Series.) He was willing to do anything, like, say, try to slap the ball out of Bronson Arroyo's glove. Now he wants more money! Just imagine his thinking: "Hmm, I'm the highest paid athlete on the planet, and I cheat, why doesn't anybody but Jeter, Torre, and Steinbrenner like me?"

Instead of MVP, there should be an MVC (Most Valubale Cheater) for players like A-Rod (the NL winner: Barry Bonds.)

Juicy piece of fiction

(Second in a series of "Hot Stove Reading")

With Thanksgiving in the rear view mirror and Christmas, Hannukah and Kwanzaa looming large in the headlights, what's a woman to do? In my case, it's curl up under a blanket on a rainy day and re-read a classic book: "Shoeless Joe" by WP Kinsella. For those of you unfamiliar with "Shoeless Joe," it was the basis of a little movie called "Field of Dreams." As much as I like that movie, the book is a million times better.

In the book, the author kidnapped is J. D. Salinger - famous recluse hidden in the woods of New Hampshire. He was livid that Kinsella used him as a character in the book and refused to sign off on his name, image or likeness in any way, shape or form for the movie - thus opening the door for James Earl Jones to step in.

But it's not Kinsella's only book about baseball. "The Iowa Basball Confederacy," a slightly mystical book about the world's longest baseball game that never happened - which combines Kinsella's love of baseball and American Indians; "The Thrill of the Grass," a collection of short stories (including my favorite, "How I Got My Nickname") and many, many others grace reading lists everywhere.

Kinsella understands the magic of baseball - not just as a sport but also as a spiritual endeavor. The thought that baseball can restore broken spirits, reach across time and space and raise us all above the petty little details of life that hold us down is something that real baseball fans can understand. In Kinsella's world, fallen heroes are restored and average people are redeemed.

If you are a fan, or are trying to find something for the fan on your list, this is the author you need to have in your personal library.

Next up: for the love of the game - non-fiction historical pieces that are as moist and succulent as an expertly cooked turkey.