"Jesus" goes to Hell
By Jim Weihofen
Another sign of the apocolypse: Jesus goes to Hell.
$52,000,000. That's enough to buy Johnny Damon's rookie card on ebay over one BILLION (billion with a B) times. That's enough to buy 400,000 Green Monster seats, first row, premium games. Or enough to buy one Johnny Damon.
So Johnny Demon (no typo, he is now a demon) is now going to play center for the people he helped to annhilate in 2004's ALCS. His entire career has been in the AL, a league in which all the teams share one common goal: beat the Yankees.
And now Damon is going to be throwing out runners from the Yankee Stadium outfield. Even though David Ortiz could score from second on a flyball to deep center with Damon's poor arm, he's considered a great upgrade on defense from Bernie Williams. In what? Age?
And a .300 hitter? In case Jeter, Matsui, A-Rod, and Sheffield in the .290's isn't enough, now they have to get someone who was loved by Red Sox fans. No, it would have been too easy for the Yankees to, God forbid, use Bubba Crosby as a (now here comes a word unknown to the Yankees' management) prospect.
Now this foreign word, prospect, is known to Red Sox management �and all the other 29 team's owners who aren't named George Steinbrenner. For example: Adam Stern is who the Red Sox seem to be turning to for their 2006 CF needs. And Trot Nixon, one of my personal favorite outfielders in all of baseball, came up from within the Red Sox organization and has stayed with the team. In today's baseball world, this is nearly a miracle. 12 years after being drafted, Trot remains the right fielder for Boston.
Everyone would have liked to have seen Damon stay, but Adam Stern deserves a chance. You never know, this skinny 5'11" OF could be the 2006 rookie of the year.
Who knows? Maybe there will be a Christmas miracle, and Damon will get an incurable STD from a hooker in New York. Let's have some wishful thinking, people, as it is the holidays (a religious word, for the 3 of you out there that care.)
